The Grief of not knowing!

Hi, Cosmic Angels,

It feels like a long time since I sat down to write something. Well, oh well. As much as I love writing, sometimes words don't seem enough to express what you're feeling, and you end up in a loop of not knowing—as the title suggests—the grief of not knowing.

Image via Pinterest @faziiqbal63

I have known the grief of losing a loved one. I have known the grief of broken dreams, and I have known the grief of friendship breakups. I have known the grief of my life not turning out the way I planned. Somehow, this grief of not knowing feels different—a new way to heal, a new way to feel.

Being an elder daughter with perfectionist tendencies, and also control issues with a tiny, tiny stubborn personality, I have had my entire life planned out for myself. It probably didn't matter if life agreed; I innately had a very solid idea of how things should turn out.

Turns out, the universe had a plan of its own and probably laughed in the corner while I spent all those years writing my to-do lists, making pages filled with my plans and my goals.

Only if I had known, I probably wouldn't have spent ages doing this. Because it came as a shock to me when the notes I made in my diaries about my life weren't what reality seemed to be, and with that came darkness, with very little glimmer of light.

This stage of the unknown is very, very funny. I think... I meant traumatising funny. (Making jokes about my pain is my coping mechanism.) The grief of not knowing where my career is going, the grief of not knowing how to deal with the loss of a loved one, the grief of not knowing when you see the world around you change so much, the grief of not knowing how to handle this change inside you. There is this in-between where you somehow know that there is light, there is hope, but then you don't know how far away it is.

Image via Pinterest @igsumit007

But honestly, this grief came with blessings. The term "blessings in disguise" was coined for this phase. With this grief of the unknown came love. The loss of jobs led to meeting some of the best people. The loss of a loved one led me to my angel, who brings so much divine love, light, and miracles. The loss of broken dreams led me to so many more dreams of mine. The loss of moving countries again led me to be surrounded by family. The loss of friendship breakups led me to so many more people who loved me for who I am.

Is the grief of the unknown, the grief of not knowing, leading you to more love? Well, again, I probably wouldn't know. The irony.

My gentle readers (read in a Bridgerton voice), it's okay to not know, to feel lost yet feel love, yet feel blessings, yet be grateful. Your truths can exist together at the same time.

Your unknown can feel scary. Trust me, I know. But that fear will lead you to love—pure, unconditional love. Just keep going. We are surely in the same boat if you find this relatable.

If you are reading this, then you have taken the time to read what I wrote, and I am so grateful to have you here. Know that we are going to build a community of dreamers, hopeful souls, and romantics who believe in magic, the cosmos, and the universe.

Know that it is all working out in your favour.

Image via Pinterest @leisamail15

I hope you come back for the next read.

Till then,

you can subscribe to my newsletter and follow my Instagram @thecosmictarotstudio

Here's to trusting the unknown, one day at a time.

Love always,

B 🤍